How to Manage Conflicts Between Brethren in the Church
Base Text: Matthew 10:34–36 "Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. For I have come to 'set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law'; and 'a man’s enemies will be those of his own household.'"
INTRODUCTION
A. The Reality of Tension Jesus taught that even within the closest relationships, conflicts can arise due to the nature of the Gospel and our own human frailty (Matt. 10:34–36).
B. Reality vs. Response Problems within the church are an inevitable reality. However, the health of a congregation is not measured by the absence of problems, but by the biblical way in which those problems are confronted and resolved.
C. Unity Through Resolution Unresolved conflicts act like a cancer, producing division and bitterness. Conversely, conflicts handled according to God's Word strengthen the bond of unity and produce spiritual maturity.
D. The Enemy’s Strategy Satan seeks to destroy the church from the inside out through disputes and grudges. When we hold onto anger, we "give place to the devil" (Eph. 4:27).
E. Purpose Today, we will learn how to prevent, face, and heal conflicts between brethren according to the Scriptures.
I. IN THE MIDST OF CONFLICT, REMEMBER WE ARE FAMILY
When a dispute arises, our first instinct is often to see the other person as an opponent. The Bible calls us to a different perspective.
A. Citizens and Family Members We are no longer strangers; we are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God (Eph. 2:19).
B. United by Blood We are spiritual siblings united by the blood of Christ, which He shed to purchase the church (Acts 20:28). We must treat one another with the dignity that price tag demands.
C. The Example of Abraham When a conflict arose between the herdsmen of Abraham and Lot, Abraham took the initiative for peace, saying, "Please let there be no strife between you and me... for we are brethren" (Gen. 13:8). He prioritized the relationship over his rights.
D. One Body in Christ The church is the Body of Christ (Eph. 1:22–23). If one member suffers or is in conflict, the whole body is affected (1 Cor. 12:26–27).
II. THINGS THAT TRIGGER CONFLICT AND DESTROY UNITY
To resolve conflict, we must identify the "unity-killers" that God’s Word warns us about:
• Gossip and Murmuring: Going around as a talebearer creates strife and separates the best of friends (Lev. 19:16; Prov. 16:28; 26:20). We must guard our tongues to keep our souls from trouble (Ps. 34:13).
• Uncontrolled Anger: Outbursts of wrath are works of the flesh (Gal. 5:19–20). While we may feel anger, we are commanded to put it away before it turns into sin (Eph. 4:26–31). Remember: "A soft answer turns away wrath" (Prov. 15:1).
• Selfishness: Conflict often begins when we demand our own way. Love, however, does not seek its own (1 Cor. 13:5). We should seek the well-being of our neighbor rather than our own comfort (1 Cor. 10:24).
• Offensive Words: Corrupt speech tears down; gracious speech builds up. We must realize that we will give an account for every idle word spoken (Matt. 12:36–37; Eph. 4:29; Col. 4:6).
III. HOW TO PREVENT CONFLICTS BETWEEN BRETHREN
Prevention is better than cure. We can minimize conflict by:
1. Practicing the Golden Rule: Treat others exactly how you want to be treated in the same situation (Matt. 7:12).
2. Constant Forgiveness: Make it a habit to bear with one another and forgive, just as Christ forgave you (Col. 3:13; John 15:12).
3. Setting a Good Example: Be an example in word and conduct so that you do not become a stumbling block to a weaker brother (1 Tim. 4:12; Rom. 14:21; 1 Cor. 8:9–12).
4. Continuous Goodness: Look for opportunities to do good to everyone, especially to those in the family of faith (Gal. 6:10).
5. Practicing Humility: In lowliness of mind, let each esteem others better than himself (Phil. 2:3).
IV. MY PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY AS A MEMBER OF THE FAMILY
Peace is not a feeling; it is a pursuit.
• Preserve Unity: We are called to "endeavor" (make every effort) to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace (Eph. 4:1–3).
• Seek Edification: Let us pursue the things which make for peace and the things by which one may edify another (Rom. 14:19; Ps. 34:14).
• Sow Peace: Those who make peace sow a harvest of righteousness (James 3:18).
Practical Application: If you have a problem with a brother, go to him privately. Promote reconciliation instead of venting to others. Act with the maturity of someone who has been redeemed by grace.
See Also
- Why Should We Strive for Others?
- How should brotherly love be between Christians?
- Why We Must Walk in the Truth Philippians 3:15–16
CONCLUSION
Conflicts between brethren will arise, but they do not have to be destructive. God has given us the blueprint for handling them. When we prioritize our identity as a family, eliminate gossip, practice humility, and actively seek peace, the church becomes a powerful testimony of God's love to the world.
